I've been contemplating this all day, as text messages from my ex have gone back and forth. I've been trying to communicate to him that the thing that has caused the most damage in our relationship was not the physical violence although that was awful. and painful. It was the continued lying to me and my children to the point we didn't even know who he was.
Why is it so much easier to lie to someone we care about then tell them the truth? If we truly love them and they love us isn't that where forgiveness begins? If a relationship whether that is a husband/wife or parent/child is based upon lies can we really know that person to love them for who they are?
Are we all so afraid to put our guard down for fear that someone might see the real us, judge us and not like us? Didn't Jesus teach us that NONE of us is without sin so we can not judge one another. Instead we should confess to each other, or in other words be open honest with each other and love each other faults and all.
I hope that is what I am teaching my children. That no matter what they do, they can come to me and I will love them unconditionally. My children and I have a very special relationship. One I wished my ex had with them, he just never made that connection of being an open honest person and that hurts the most.
I pray in time he will find healing for his anger, the things that caused him to physically abuse us, mentally abuse us and sometime in the future have a solid relationship with someone. But every journey has to start with wanting to take the first step.
From my reading today:
"Honesty enables us to discover the images of life that shape us."
Mark Nepo. The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have (p. 391). Kindle Edition.
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